someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
