you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
