tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
