Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
