At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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