I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
