As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
