Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
