I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
