So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
