There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
