Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
