i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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