I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
