apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
