Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
