fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
