Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Randomize
