Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
