There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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