You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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