it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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