I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
