I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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