tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
