I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
