ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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