My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
