You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
