ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
