I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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