dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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