I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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