i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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