so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
