Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
