I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I want you more than these girls want KFC
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
