a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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