Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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