and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
