By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Are we still banned from the library?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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