forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
thus making me awesome and them whores
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
