im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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