i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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