i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
bring money and cleavage
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
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