Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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