I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Too much gin, very little bucket
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
