Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
