you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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