he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
