I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Are we still banned from the library?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
