We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
