btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
