I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
